Healing with in

Today I am now in harmony with my individuals. I have a supportive husband, and wonderful supportive friends. A great therapist who is so understanding and wants to know all of us and help all of us in our journey to healing.

I will be married a year soon and it has been such an amazing time in recovery. I have hope that I will have a child next year some time and feel so loved by my husband.

I am still struggling with headaches, some switching which occurs when stressed, but each day I am getting better and so are the peeps :)

I have not self harmed for over a year, but still struggle with food issues. I just emotionally eat to much. Trying to deal with emotions I have not dealt with in years.

What the Lord is doing

Its amazing what healing can do. Yes its been a struggle but what  a passion I have to help others.
I have been writing my book and have so much I want to put in there to help others and of course by sharing healing is happening to me.

I have been going to conferences and listening to those who have shared there abuse. Speaking about your hurts give you such power in Christ  and you are no longer a victim but a warrior. 


I am now in the process of researching a non profit organization to help those with DID and Trauma

Time to Heal

Hey guys,

Ok so I have to give you all the update..
I have found an amazing therapist one who has the same religion values, Believes that D.I.D is real and believes that living in harmony is the way to go in my recovery :)

I have been working hard in therapy once a week 2 hour sessions and many individuals for the first time all sharing with a therapist .

I also have made some pretty amazing D.I.D friends close to home (yes real people with MPD!!! who knew lol) anyways with come with is fun, understanding, true friendship and triggers true triggers and so I am working n new way to deal with new memories that are coming up in my life.

I have become more positive about life as I have grown  in my recovery. It still hard but dissociating is not as bad.

Feeling

Frozen in the place i hide
not afraid to paint my sky with
some who say i've lost my mind
brother try and hope to find

you were always so far away
i know that pain
so don't you run away
like you used to do

roses in a vase of white
bloodied by the thorns beside the leaves
that fall because my hand is pulling them hard as i can

you were always so far away
i know that pain and i won't run away
like i used to do

pictures in a box at home
yellowing and green with mold
so i can barely see your face
wonder how that color taste

you were always so far away                                               
i know the way
so don't you run away
like you used to do

Married Life

Yep It happen Cee got married lol, but it don't seem any different.... we still have our own room, still have our girlfriend times ,date nights with husband and play day with the little's.

Seeking a New Therapist

OK This seems to be the hardest thing to do. I like the therapist we have, she has helped us in many ways. So why am I seeking a new therapist?

We had an outburst of anger we began to yell and hit our self therapist says if we do it again we need to be put in the hospital.  Now we did not cut we have not cut in along time, but to say this really upset us and feel we can not trust her. Of course others in the system have never trusted her its been over a year and she still has no idea how many there are of us.And only 3 have spoken to her.

Its time to find a therapist who can help us all who we can trust and also who believes in Jesus...

Created by the system

 Puzzle

 Abyss

 Lost in the dark box

 

 Lost at Sea, Hidden 

Some times I just want to know who will be out today

Who is this I wonder?? By Raymond system

I Think this is St. Joesph  By Raymond system

D.I.D. The Raymond System

Daddy dies- I lost

For the first time in my life my biological father wants to truly get to know me he asks for forgiveness he move close to me. I share my story of the abuse in my home as a child to man who was never there, never knew and did not know about my DID. We build a friendship. We begin to share holidays we begin to tell our life stories and  I think I finally got my dad. after months of talking after months of planing he moves less then 10 min from me. we begin to unpack his things,while laugh joking and thinking of the future and the things we are gonna do. One whole week that's what I got one whole week with my dad.... Then he dies. How come I keep losing. It was not enough I yell... I wanted more time.... I wanted more holidays and birthdays. I wanted to go to spend Sunday morning having breakfast together. taken walks in the park, listen to music..... My real dad the man I never knew in the few months I did have him he showed love, compassion, understanding and friendship and now he is gone and I'm like this is Bullshit!!! this is not Fair......


I yell, I scream, I cry
I lost.
 I lost my dad to drugs and gangs when I was 1
I lost my innocents when I was2
I lost my cats when I am4
I watch death come knocking at my door at 7
I lost , I lost
I lost my home before I was born
I lost my dog before he was old
I lost  I lost
I watched  brother get sick
I watched my mother take a fist
I lost I lost
I lost dolls and my toys
I lost my friends
I lost my love
I got lost in the woods
I got lost where I stood
Lost lost I say
I lost my step dad before I was 12
I lost I lost
I lost my new home at 17
I lost I lost
I found my dad
I found some hope
for he stop taken that dope
but then I lost my dad
to cancer
I lost I lost
I lost my daddy
this is true



When will this stop how much more lost must I have?