TW- memory

TW this has much details please be cautious when reading:



 She stands before him, small, trembling a child  not sure why she has to do this, not sure how far this will go.. she must be brave as he tells her to dance slowly and take her clothes off. He wants to see her body he says she is pretty. she knows this is not good but she does what he says. she slowly turns around he tells her body is for him. move your hips he says slowing and turn to face me. a little no more then 3 perhap 4, feeling shame but not really understanding what she is feeling. she looks across the room to a door wishing her mom was home, wishing someone would help stop this.she stands before him being brave and not saying one word.
he walks to her she feeling even smaller then before. his hands begin to touch her she moves closer, liking the way his fingers reach inside her she knows its wrong she does not how she knows but she knows but the feeling is different and it feels good. he says its ok you like it see. she looks to the door once more, brave she can not be as he takes his clothes of and has  her touch him a tear slips down her cheek..

I wish this was just a story and it was not true. Last night I had to be strong sitting amongst a crowd as little children danced on stage it was innocent but my mind began to remember dancing in the middle of the floor for man . I became so angry and fearful all at once, there was a man standing not to far off to my right i knew this man he had a past he was in recovery but he liked children as he stood glaring at his phone perhaps trying to distracted himself all I can think was I hate you and want you dead knowing his past  knowing his own daughter was in the crowd knowing she had forgiving him and he was in recovery for years knowing his sins and trying to do right. but  all i could see was this man and seeing those children up on stage I just wanted to scream. but i sat there watching it was not the same I was not in a small room naked by myself with a man who wanted to  do dirty things to me, but it took me back and today I want to cry inside but cant perhaps sleep will be best...

Living

Been some time sense we shared on our blog. Lots of changes, lots of healing but such hard work....  So here is the update. Ian has been showing such anger due to the fact that Bio father has got in contacted with us after several years of not hearing form him. He is very ill, but once again we feel used people only come around when there is something they need or want. On the positive side we have found out we have lots of family but the problem is how come we never knew about this family? how come no one told us? how come we still had the abuse and no one stopped it???? so many questions and no answers...

Jay is been more on the inside , Leen is learning more about life and her feelings for JP.

And I am trying to learn to trust.......

On a good Note Cee (me) and JP are going to look at engagement rings this weekend im am very much looking forward to it......