Cee's Blog

I am Cee the host of the body, the one who is out the most, the one who runs everything on the outside for the most part. I had no memories of my abuse from the ages of 2 to 8 years old,but now my brain is sharing all the trauma that I endured.

DID is not a disorder to me as I am learning about my individuals. I am learning the positive life I had and still have with living with alters.
What others do not understand is having alters is not a bad thing for several reasons. Because of my abuse and not remembering the past. I was able to run a full life, going to college, have a great career. I would not have able to handle every day life with out there help. I am very grateful for my individuals (alters)

Life today  has its moments in 2006-7 I began to have memories of my abuse and by 2011 I found out about my Individuals and now I am learning my system.

 12/23/12
 I saw a dead man lying on the ground today, it was the past I just wanted to scream its not real cant you see,  I screamed for I just could not tell what I should feel
I am so tired, so weak in side, the pain is all around and I cant breath to see this man just die in front of me

Oh what the brain can do.

My Day With DID
Morning- mmmmm PJ not the ones I went to bed in
Breakfast- what will we have a full hour discussion on what meal we will have, sometimes I just give up and wait until lunch if their is no decision made.
Phone calls- I talked to you yesterday, really? 
Bills- I am late on a payment! but I made that payment over the phone, no I never did, mmm I thought I did.
Lunch- talking to one self while making an order check out I never order the fries , What 2 cheese burgers where did they come from?
Work- Il get right on that, I hope I dont forget.  full day great job talking to that parent. You really helped them out. Parent what parent who did I help out??? Oh I hate that
Driving home- wow! I got to the store and home already. I don't even remember getting in the car.
Training class- I Past! wait I past that's great! (Thinking to self) I took a test? I don't remember no test! I am glad I past.
Dinner- wow! I cooked all this?
Talking to JP -We had a date to the beach, really who did you take to the beach ? I don't remember going to the beach.
JP- I put every thing on the bored so you do not forget to do some of these tings tomorrow. Reminds are always good.
I have to call a debt collector? No way! Fear over powers and the conversation is taken on by another.
Time for play- little's come out to play some games. Lost time again

I am a teacher- I have been a preschool teacher fro 17 years and 10 years of owning my own preschool. Because I am regaining my memories, putting the peaces of my me back together. I had to close my school. I took some time off, but now I am ready to go back to working from home. I will be a certified preschooler in my home working with children 4 to 10 years of age.

I am very much looking forward to getting back to work. I have past my inspections and in two weeks I will have my Certifications to run the business from home. I am a little scared to go back into  the swing of things and wonder how the individuals will handle it now that we are in recovery. I think it will go very well. 




11/26/12
Today I feel so lost. I sit watching a child play and I can not seem to enjoy his presents at all. I see his happiness and wonder why can't I feel that way? I have so much to be thankful for but today I feel like I don't belong. I am part of place in a world that is not mine. I want to so much to be normal right now. I know what is normal for me normal is having energy to read story, taken walk, working  a full day and feeling like I belong.

11/29/12
Friendship Is hard to keep, more so when you have DID and your individuals do not trust anyone and they find reason to not be friends with someone. I have a great friend of 2 years. She is amazing, we have a lot in common one of them being she is also DID. She has a good fiance who I know loves her. Problem---- He is very co-dependent and has jealous issues, I feel this is going to complicate our friendship so my individuals think why not stop being friends now so later you dont get hurt.  Of course this is old thinking so Im trying to tell them that having a friend who understands is good for us. Anyways each week we get together, spend time sharing our struggles or even victories and sometimes our littles play together. Last week she canceled stating that her boy friend feels there not spending enough time together (let me add they live together see each every day and have weekends together) I tend to spend a day where he works and she is off during the week, that way I do not interfere with there time together, well he decided to take the day off on the day we get together. My thought is this will continue and soon or later she will not spend time at all and we will be just phone buddy's. I think its sad that somebody has so much jealous issues he fears he will lose his girlfriend to a another girl (let me add we are not gay and Jay my boy individual has a girlfriend that he likes alot on FB only) I feel he needs help and needs to start trusting her, but then I feel she allows it. I do not think I could be with some one who wanted to spend every moment of my time with. I love my boyfriend we see each other every day and we have date night once a week, but I have my own personal time and my time with friends as well. Balancing is the key to a healthy friendship and relationship. So I thought I just vent about it here, now I feel better... :)

12/3/12
I lost 7 pound's and I did well today with eating but I still want ice cream, cakes, and cookies :( I so want to eat  

12/5/12

I so forgot about this post that was about DID. I was reminded on FB from a friend who is also DID so I figure I post this page here for others to read.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and Alter Parts

March 26, 2008 by faithallen

One of the biggest misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is that the person has two or more “people” sharing a body. This is not correct. Instead, the person has compartmentalized her memories and emotions to such a degree that they feel foreign or as if they are “not me.” Every separate part is a part of the whole person.
When a very young child (under age six) experiences trauma, she has no way to fight back. Her body is too little to have a chance of fighting off her abusers. Her only option is to flee into her own head. While the abuse is happening, she distances herself from the abuse in her head. This is called dissociation. She tells herself that the abuse is happening to “someone else.” A very young child has the ability to compartmentalize that experience by “splitting off” that experience from her conscious memory. This skill enables her to behave as if the trauma had not just occurred immediately afterward.
Immediately after the abuse happens, the child does not process or even think about what just occurred. Instead, she separates that experience from her conscious mind. The part of herself that she has “rejected” becomes its own little capsule from that experience. Some of the capsules are small, holding only one emotion or experience. Those capsules are called personality fragments. Other capsules are larger and manifest as alter personalities. All of these are called alter parts. Personality fragments are one-dimensional while alter personalities are three-dimensional.
The purpose of an alter personality is to protect the inner child. By splitting off the painful experiences and emotions, the inner child is able to continue to function as if the abuse had not occurred. This enables the child to perpetuate the illusion of innocence after innocence is taken. The part of the child that interacts with the world (which is called the host personality) is generally an innocent part that is shielded from the abuse. The child “blacks out” when the abuse is occurring because alter personalities take over to experience the abuse. The child winds up with holes in her memory because she is “not there” when the abuse is happening.
A multiple system like this (having alter parts) is a highly functional way of surviving ongoing and severe trauma. Instead of being “freaky,” DID is ingenious. If prisoners of war had the ability to do this while being tortured, I am confident that they would do it, too. It is only when the abuse ends that DID becomes dysfunctional.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
This is not my writing this was written Faithallen you can find her blog on http://faithallen.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/dissociative-identity-disorder-did-and-alter-parts/


12/21/12
Sorry its been a few days- I had a hard week with memories and triggers. I also ate all the wrong foods this week and still want to eat junk:( Im craving burgers right now.   I have been focusing a lot of my time on DID Discovering Me page- Please check it out and share with others. http://www.facebook.com/DidDiscoveringMe. 
I have been thinking about this book I have been reading. It has a lot of Positive thoughts in it - "A Cup Of Comfort" its really good. One story stand's out to me and Jay.  Its about a women who is struggling with some health issues and is having some depression. So she decided she needs to keep taken care of her garden to help her have a little enjoyment. She decides she wants to plant sweet peas. She planted the seeds and each day she go out check on them and tend to the garden to keep herself busy. One day as she was taken care of it she notice far off there was a little vine seeping out from the cracks in the ground and realized she must of droped some seeds outside of the garden. She did not think much about it, knowing that being the plant was far off away and had nothing to grab on to grow it will die. Each day she go to the garden and each day she notice that little plant growing. One day she took look at the plant and notice it had found a nail in the garage door not to far off from where the plant was and began to grow there. That plant would find anything it could to just survive. See for a sweet pea to grow and live the vines must have some thing to grab to grow. The women was amazed on what she was seeing this little plant found a nail, part of some wood from bottom of the garage that was cracked, it even found a spider web to grow into. The women went into the garage and got some nails and on the side of the door of the garage to put some nails in so the plant would grow each day. The women every day would go to her garden and look to see how it was growing and every did she watched the sweet pea all by it self. One day she took a look and notice that garden was beautiful but the one plant all by it self was breath taken it had grown the most peas and the vines curled around each nail and grow up the wall.  I kinda see my individuals like that survivors growing and finding anything to hold on to live. How courageous and what a fight that pea took on by itself all because it wanted to live...... Just like my individuals...... Thanks you guys.


12/29/12 Hi been a while. I have had some struggles. Food been still an issue I have not eaten well and it seems like I don't even want to try. :( I also spent time with My mother and she is so triggering for me, but I keep having hope that she will change get better. STOP BEING IN DENIAL!!!! yea I know its not something thats going to happen any time soon. she still thinks my childhood was not that bad. Yea that's why I have 19 Individuals cause life was soooo great.. I also been wanting to hurt myself again Hopeless been out a few times. There is progress she had chicken wings and I think she enjoyed it. Great its all I need another individual that wants to keep eating all the time. Tonight I thought about brusing myself but have not done it I ate cookies instead. 

My therapist suggested I begin reading and doing the work book on "The Courage To Heal" 
Here was my first question. Have I ever felt safe? It was hard for me to answer that. You see I feel safe at times with the man who I have had a relationship for the past 2 years, safe to share my abuse and truly safe to share about my individuals to him. He has shown me support and comfort when I need it. But do I feel safe truly safe? I don't think so. To be safe is to be reassured that nothing can hurt, nothing can break you, or harm you emotionally, physically, or mentally. To be 100% sure I am safe. I don't know if its possible but to have hope would be great. The next question. Do I deserve to feel safe? First thought was no I'm evil and no good and I have no right to feel safe cause I am not good enough to feel that way.
I know this is not to be true and I have a right to feel safe so why was that my first thought? 

1/4/13
Happy New Year!
I been busy redecorating JP home. We now have our own room no longer sleeping on the couch!!! YAY! 
I remember having my own room when my step father was around and having my room until I left home at 18. I have lived in my own place but never slept in my bed room it was always on the couch, now having my own room feels different, like we all have a home now a real home. Even when I was married I felt that my ex husbands home was not mine and now here in JP's home I feel like its coming along and its mine as well. I still fear that it will change at times, but its the first times I am looking forward to the decorating. The bathroom is going to be sea blue walls, we are going with a ocean theme and then my bedroom will have a brown/red color on one side and a light orange almost pinkish color on the other side. The living room I want warmth so I found a large mirror  to place on the wall to give it a look of a larger room. I am looking for a new couch to match my antique chairs I have, some day Id like to have wooden floors if JP is ok with that, but for the time being I may try to see about a nice rug. One  problem JP has a dog that just sheds every where not sure what to do. Excited about the changes

I still have not gotten any calls for any other children, its not helping my depression not even a call. I want to work but I dont want to over do myself as well. I guess Il just have to wait and see what happens

I had a flashback last night it was sad about kittens being killed it was very upsetting did not sleep much. I am ok now... 
Eating still a issue I think I gained back the weight I lost:( If we could live with out food would be nice. I have not seen my therapist fro 2 weeks now she been on vacation be nice to get back into the swing of things.  

1/9/13

I am so tired of life I just want it to end. I have been trying to work but no calls for kids so far. I have been feeling like a loser who has nothing to show for her life. What was the point of 4 years of school, running a business, working 90 hour work weeks. I have nothing from it !!!! I lost business, I lost my mind and now I cant even work a full day with out wanting to hide. I just dont know any more. I Have this great guy who help but he cant keep doing it for ever. Now i have to work but i dont feel i will be happy working a night job. I feel lazy, I feel like every thing is out of control. I have lose of memory. I feel shame, discourage, disgust and i dont want to be here at all, but to kill one self would be to easy and i dont have the guts to do it anyways...... cause  who knows how much pain il have to suffer after death as well...... I keep saying it will get better and I keep saying I have it wonderful where many dont and should be thankful but all i want to do is find a hole and hide. Im so weak-    

1/14/13
To feel numb and incomplete, today I feel like I lost my very best friend a dog lost long ago died by a man anger who did not tell the truth he killed our Dog Mickey and then the family throw Mickey in the garbage like he was junk and no good. How can any person do that to a dog? My heart is so sad my best friend is gone and for the first time I cry for him.....

Friend
A true friend never lies
A true friend is never in disguised
A true friend is always by your side
A true friend il never have
A true friend why bother with that
A true friend is a pet

I think my Beast has integrated he was the pet of the system but after the share of Mickey he became ill now its all quit and every one is in the system but Beast and Rainbow is not standing with him she always stands with him.


  2/20/13
I see I have not bloged much. I am now on medication for depression and anxiety so far its working, bt I also feel a little numb today not sure why. I think part of me misses  my best friend who I feel now has betrayed me and really not looking for me to be her friend but used me. Normally I dont care about these things and I know some of the individuals are like just get over it. Maybe I should even though wat she did is very wrong and then ignoring me... I dont know she has not been a good friend lately maybe I need to just let it go. 
 
      3/2/13
The medication has been working most of the time... Been tired and IAN been out alot sharing her anger and Im still getting flashbacks. I hate flashbacks.
I am angry at the fucking world dont you u know it, u not my typ ur the scum of the fucking earth. I trailed round hoping not to be found, but cock sucking loser with no head dont leave to myself, but wat the fuck who am I? just some dope kid with lots to fucking say. kiss my ass and drop fucking dead. I never needed no one and I dont need no one now. I been without  a daddy an fucking mommy for along time now. No daddy raised me he was to busy getting high and smoking that pipe moma working u must be joking she busy smoking drinking in the crib but that not all no that not all. Respect they say I say fuck that earn it babe cus im not no dumb ass kid  u think me is, who will let you tell me wat to say. so fuck u all any ways. IAN  
  
 4/28/13
I know its been over a month sense we blog last. been a very stressful month: Bio father got in touch with us, our system been on a emotional roller coaster so not really sure wat to share.....  

What is DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and What it means to me....

Doctor's, the medical opinions of physicist: What is DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)? Also known as Multiple Personality Disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) one of the essential features of DID is full dissociation (switching) between distinct personality states. In addition at least two personality states routinely control behavior with an associated state dependent memory (amnesia between personality states).  Daniel_J._Siegel describes clinical dissociation as "blocking access to memory and emotions, bodily numbness or impairments to the continuity of consciousness across states of mind."

Individuals diagnosed with DID frequently report severe physical and sexual abuse as a child. 

The real Sybil The movie really does not
explain the positives of DID Just negative

Better said by http://www.strangerinthemirror.com/dissociative.html
Dissociation is a common defense/reaction to stressful or traumatic situations. Severe isolated traumas or repeated traumas may result in a person developing a dissociative disorder. A dissociative disorder impairs the normal state of awareness and limits or alters one's sense of identity, memory or consciousness. Once considered rare, recent research indicates that dissociative symptoms are as common as anxiety and depression, and that individuals with dissociative disorders (particularly Dissociative Identity Disorder and Depersonalization Disorder) are frequently misdiagnosed for many years, delaying effective treatment.  In fact, persons suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder often seek treatment for a variety of other problems including depression, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, memory lapses, alcohol or drug abuse, temper outbursts, and even hearing voices, or psychotic symptoms.  People with dissociation often also seek treatment for a variety of medical problems including headaches, unexplained pains, and memory problems. Many people have symptoms that have gone undetected or untreated simply because they were unable to identify their problem, or were not asked the right questions about their symptoms.  Because dissociative symptoms are typically hidden, it is important to see a mental health professional who is familiar with recent advances in the ability to diagnose dissociative disorders through the use of scientifically tested diagnostic tests.

What is DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) to me :
DID is my DIG (Dissociative Identity Gift) When I was a child I was abused and needed away to cope, away to live so that I would have a life. To get married, To have a family, To full fill my dreams. I needed to survive in away many do not understand. What DIG has done for me. I went to HS and then College. I built a career that I would love. Working whit children . Because my brain created away for me to grow we also created a way to function- some are sociable, some are creative, some are very educated, some of us drive to get from one place to another. With out My individuals I would not be able to work or provide a safe home for my future children. Do I have ups and down of course. Don't we all? Does that make me incompetent? Myself and my system does every thing like a person who does not have this disorder the difference. I lose time while another take over to help with what I stress with, I have flashback and terrible memories  and I struggle with what I am feeling but with support and therapy I am able to understand and cope with what ever comes my way. I want you all to understand what DID really is. not what the media, movies, therapist think it is. I have 19 others inside living and helping, maybe that sounds crazy, but here is a question. What about you? Just because you do not have DID does that mean you are normal because society says so? How about those who believe in God are they normal because they believe in what they can not see? Maybe we should take the time to really understand, not judge or believe all you watch in the movies and read in books. I am 34 years old. I ran business for 10 years, I have been a foster parent, I have healthy relationships, if you did not know about my DIG you would think I am normal as society as labeled all of us as. So now I will stop the labeling and Stop be called a disorder but a Gift that many wish they could have.

Alter/ Individuals and there jobs found this on a web page and figure I share it.......

The Host (The Main) This one is the "person" who is normally in charge of the body, and the one who manages the person's life. Almost always uses the "real" name (the legal name) and many times isn't aware of having alters until many years have passed. From the moment of the dissociation until the alters start coming out, doesn't normally show signs of DID. Normally doesn't even remember the trauma (if existed) that caused DID. The host is many times the "owner" of the life they built, so it's common to let him have the last word on decisions regarding the way of living. In most cases is a person of low self-esteem, prone to depression and very dependent. Usually hides their depression and seems to be an abnormally happy and extroverted person, in some extreme cases. Sometimes is in constant need of affection, love and approval, always wanting someone to tell them that what they do is right. If someone tells themm they did something wrong, they may get really upset, sad and depressed. Therefore, many times just keep a low profile and try to act just like they "are supposed to", never standing out; or just the opposite, always standing out, just to be popular and feel accepted. Inside the system, the host is commonly the one who makes the rules, as this is often the Original as well (or the original is not ready to take over that responsibility). This will be the one who you will meet and get to know in the first place, even before you know about their DID. From time to time, some alters may act just like this one, especially before you know about them. Pay a lot of attention on any changes you see (personality, expression, voice, likes/dislikes) to know when someone else is out. This will most surely be the one you are in a relationship with. Although the main is out most of the time, the rest of the alters can easily take control if they want, so this one is usually a weak personality.

The Original (NOTE: The original and the host sometimes are the same person. This section is mainly directed for the cases when they are different alters. If they are the same person, read "The Host") This alter can be called "the real one" (though every single alter is as real as this one), this one is the person that was born (the rest of the alters are persons that were somehow created during the dissociation), and, therefore, the person who took the trauma (if existed). Because of this, this is the normally most fragile one, and the most important one for the rest of the alters, so is the most guarded one. If you have the chance of meeting him (sometimes not even the host is in touch with him) be very careful. You will be experiencing something truly important, meaning that the whole system trusts you completely. Don't prove them wrong, just show the original that you're worthy of that trust. Any mistakes may cost you their trust, their love, or even worse. But, if you can prove them that you deserve them, you will be helping the whole system a lot. In some cases, the original is frightened and won't let anyone come near him, some other times the original is the "creator" and the supreme ruler of the inner world. No matter what the case, the original usually has the power (consciously or not) to control everything that happens inside, so can create objects and control the environment so that no-one will come near unless he allows it. As he has that power, has the strongest personality possible, so will come out whenever he (again, consciously or not) desires it; but, still, doesn't usually come out, because of his wounds and fears.


The Protector (The Older brother) This type of alters normally act as a parent or older brother, protecting and defending the system, but especially the original and the host. Their personality can vary, but usually becomes the knight in the shiny armor when someone in the system is being bullied. Normally there are 2 kinds of Protectors (depending on the system, there may be only one, or both of them): The first kind of protector will try to eliminate the threat. If the threat is a person, will try to stop them, or scare them away (can become quite aggressive and violent, if needed). The second kind of protector will try to save the weaker alters by taking all the pain and injuries to himself. Both of them will often take over when the main is under danger, but the first type will be defiant and will be easy to notice that the host is no longer under control; while the second one is often submissive and will try to act just like the main. Usually one of the first alters to appear and introduce himself to the host. As a protector (especially the first type), thy will often see the host's boyfriend/girlfriend as a threat, and will try to scare them away. That is the most common reason why most relationships end, when the SO doesn't know about the person's DID, as this tactic is especially effective when the Protector impersonates the hsot. Be careful, but don't be intimidated, they wont hurt you because the host doesn't want you to get hurt, and the Protector only does what's best for the host. Also, try not to argue with them (pay attention and you'll learn to notice when the Protector is out) and DON'T get angry at the host for the Protector's actions/words. This will only prove that you ARE bad for the system, so they will never stop trying to make you go away. As I said, these alters do what they think is best for the host, so prove them that you only want to make the main happy and help them. If you can do it, they may come to you when there is something wrong that they can't fix, and will always help you keep your beloved one happy. As this alter is meant to take all pain, will take over in difficult situations or when other alters ask them for help. In other moments, they have a medium strenght personality.

 The Rational one ("Consciusness") Usually seems emotionless most of the time, or at least, not driven by emotions. In many cases doesn't have a defined gender. Thinks about everything rationally, sees everything in an objective way. Some people call them "The Inner Self Helper (ISH)". Most of their advices are the best you can find, knows a lot about the host, the original and the system itself. The one who looks after the whole system and makes evrything work perfectly. Very supportive and well informed, in many cases knows a lot more than what is said. This one can be fully trusted, will help both you and your SO understand everything that's going on. If you get on well with this alter, they will become a powerful ally whenever there is some kind of problem. Never doubt about asking this one for help, especially when it's about som other alter. They know the way things work, so they can take over whenever they want. One of the strongest personalities, which sometimes makes them the only one who can stop a provoked "Angry". In many cases makes sure that the basic rules are followed. Usually obeyed by most alters.


The Angry one(The violent/aggressive one) This alter is often created from anger, frustration and hatred that are not correclty expressed by the host. In many cases is male, or a female with some man-like attitudes. Doesnt show many emotions, usually boredom or anger. Sometimes cares about the host a lot, but doesn't show it. Primarily impulse-driven, in (only) some cases doesn't even care about the consecuences of their actions. Can become very violent and dangerous if they are provoked. It's best to let them express themselves in a controlled situation, to avoid any dangerous explosions. Often doesn't get on well with the rest of the alters. Follows the rules, but only to some extent. Try to get on well with this one, and you'll avoid a lot of problem. No matter what, try to never make him angry, or both you and your beloved one will be in trouble. If the person gets really angry, may lose control, and the Angry one could take over and become violent. If this happens, that person's body strenght may even become a lot higher than usual. This alter is also relly good using the body, so normally isn't bothered by pain (often even likes it) and can be unexpectedly agile and fast. If you're not the cause of their anger, try to make everyone stay away from the person in this state, and, only if you're sure you can, try to stop him until he calms down. This way you will protect both other people and the DID person as well, but know that you're risking yourslef by doing this. If you're the cause of their anger, make everyone stay away and stay away yourself. Dont go anywhere near the person or anyone else. Talk with him to calm him down, ask the Host or the Rational for help, but don't try anything, you'll have enough just trying to keep yourself safe. They have strong personalities, but don't like to come out in front of people, unless they feel really angry. If they are, only the strongest ones may be able to stop them, if you're lucky.


The Sexual one(Seducer/Lusty) Usually a woman, but can be male, homosexual, bisexual or not have any defined gender. Normally takes the role of Sexual Protector. Can have unbelivable different personalities that vary in each DID case. They have a lot of lust, and therefore will be constantly (can be "usually/often", "sometimes", depending on the case) trying to have sex. Not much to write about, can be emotional or rational, can have normal personalities not otherwise different, but many times are very intelligent. They dont usually show their feelings, but can be VERY sensitive. The reasons of them wanting sex can vary: Of course it can be just lust (especially when the host supresses sex in their life), but many times are because of sexual abuse, and in most cases, they see themselves as nothing but "sex machines". If this is the case, this is often the one with the deepest wounds, and needs to be shown that there is love an affection, appart from sex. In some cases, no matter how much they want it, sex can be really bad for them, as it can just prove them that they are nothing but sexual tools, or they can even be re-living their abuse. BE CAREFUL for many reasons. First, if you are dealing with a victim of abuse, normally you will need to show her love, without sex, always keep her in a protective environment and never do anything that can make her feel unsafe. It is very important to build a solid relationship based on trust, so never lie to this one (well, just, never lie to any of them) and never break any promises. If you are a couple, you will have to pay a lot of attention and make sure if sex is just sex, or if it's something very bad for her. Appart from that issue, you also have to be careful with your couple. Most likely, your actual couple will be the host, and not this one. If that's te case, you will probably have to talk with your couple, and come to an agreement if you having sex/kissing/dating this alter is OK, or if it is cheating. That depends mainly on the host (likely your couple), so talk openly about that. Some people with DID consider thir couples to be dating all of the alters as a whole, and some consider them to be dating just one alter, usually the host. Sexual alters aren't usually too strong, and will come out in a sexual environment only at beggining, and as they become more confident, may come out in some safe situations. So, weak personality.


The Kids(The children, The little ones) These alters seem to be present in almost every case of DID. Sometimes their age can vary depending on the day, sometimes they can have the same age for years. There may be one or a lot. Most of them are just like any other children. They are completely innocent, but also really sensitive, and can be easily hurt. If they are hurt, they usually can't deal with that, so truly hurting one of these little ones often means that the whole system will go through a lot of problems like depression, trust issues and a lot more. Although they are just kids, they can be incredibly intelligent, and know a lot about the system. But, obviously, they should always be kept away from topics that aren't wise for children to see, especially sex-related topics. The rest of the alters are normally really protective with these ones, sometimes even the Angry ones. Treat them like children. You may have to explain a lot of things to them, and they may not understand complicated things, and will ask some questions that are very difficult to answer. Do your best, be comprehensive and patient, and NEVER break a promise or lie to them. For them, most of the times things are just "black" or "white", good or bad, so if you lie, you will be "bad" and you may never recover their trust. Never hurt one of this ones either, or you will not only see the problems listed above, but also the whole system's anger. Once you get used to them, you'll realize  they are one of the easier alters to please. As any child, they like sweets, chocolates, teddy bears, sometimes flowers, and the like. They may like to draw or have some other simple hobby, so as long as you provide them with what's necessary for that, they will be happy with you. If they trust you, they may innocently tell you important things that none of the other alters would ever say, so always listen careful to them, as they usually cant lie (or at least, without you noticing) They don't have strong personalities, so they will only come out when they're allowed, usually when everything is OK and they are alone or with someone safe.
*NOTE: There can be some alters with the age of a kid who don't behave like children. Those alters should not be seen as the ones described in this section, but as the type they fit in the most.


The Suicidal (Self destroyer) Present in most systems, this is an alter that will try to destroy the system, usually by killing the body. Usually sees death as a relief from suffering or does't see the point on living. Not much to say, commonly depressive and sad, sometimes uses drugs or alcohol to avoid pain instead of death, or self-mutilation to ease emotional pain. In some other cases, will not try to die, but be self-destructive in other ways, like messing with the host friends, family or life. It's very important for the host to have a good communication with this one, to keep those impulses controlled. You should show this alter that Life is Worth Living, so try to make him see the good aspects of things, treat him nicely, show him affection, make him trust you, make him happy (harder than it sounds). But, as this is probably the most dangerous alter, always be careful, keep him from harmful things, watch him closely, pay especial attention to his words to know if he's lying (and if he is, be twice as careful) and be ready to help if anything bad happens. If you believe there is one of this alters in the system, it is highly reccomended to take a First Aid class (intensive one, if possible) and always have a first aid kit and an emergency number at hand. Keep your guard up, just one second may be enough for him to put their life at risk. Weak personality, but ready to take over when the system is in pain or depressed, or when he sees a good chance of committing suicide.


Other alters Here I will list other less common alters that I know about, open for suggestions
Pets Well, most families have pets, and that happens also on the inside ^-^ In some systems, there are different animals that are just that, animals. They are usually the pet of the system, and has to be taken care of just like a real animal (be careful if it's a wild, dangerous animal )
Objects In some systems there are objects with consciousness, so they're not normal objects. For example, talking objects, or a notebook that writes itself.
Emotion Alters Some alters are there to express just one emotion or state, just like the Angry one, but in different and less common examples, it could be "Emotional impulse/Irrationality" or "Innocence".
Changing Alters not so much a category in itself, but a characteristic some alters have. Sometimes, an alter can change shapes, disguise like a different alter or even objects, or it could change age or gender, or even have extremely different personalities depending on the day.
Body Alters In some cases, there can be an alter that represents the body, so this one will always know what is wrong with it and how to fix it, and will always insist on taking care of it. It's not so much an emotional supportive alter, but one who tries to take care of the body itself (as in many DID cases the person is too busy with emotional issues to take good care of it). As a representative of the body, sometimes can control parts of the body at will, even when some other alter is out.
Subconscious Alters These are the alters that can access the subconscious at will, so they are usually the guardians of the memories and some other "top secret" thoughts. Usually very strict and reserved (Many times this role overlaps with the Protectors or Rational ones).

The Spectrum Of Dissociative Identy Disorder.

The dissociative spectrum extends from normal dissociation to poly-fragmented DID.

Normal Dissociative – Researchers and clinicians believe that dissociation is a common, naturally occurring defense against childhood trauma. Children tend to dissociate more readily than adults. Faced with overwhelming abuse, it is not surprising that children would psychologically flee (dissociate) from full awareness of their experience.

Dissociative Amnesia- Loss of memory may result from wartime trauma, a severe accident, or rape. Dissociative Fugue is indicated by not only loss of memory,but also travel to a new location and the assumption of a new identity.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)- although not officially a dissociative disorder (it is classified as an anxiety disorder),can be thought of as part of the dissociative spectrum. In PTSD, recall/re-experiencing of the trauma (flashbacks) alternates with numbing (detachment or dissociation), and avoidance.

Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS)- does not fit the full criteria for any of the specifically identified subtypes, which include depersonalization disorder, dissociative amnesia, dissociative fugue, and dissociative identity disorder. The International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems.

Dissociative Identy Disorder DID- Its when there are two or more distinct identities pr personality states that take control of behaviors at least two personalities one maybe the host with some or all memory loss.

Ploy Fragmented DID- Rather than splitting into three or four alter parts, someone with polyfragmented DID might fragment into 100 or even 1,000 alter parts.Many of these alter parts might be personality fragments, which means that they are more one-dimensional than three-dimensional.

Ways to Help with Flashbacks

#1 -Walking: Walk carefully, mindfully around the room. Mindful walking can be slow or brisk. The goal is to be fully present with each step as you take it. Bring your attention to the actual sensations of walking. Notice how the heel, then the ball of your foot makes contact with the floor as you walk. Notice the bend in your knees, the flex in your toes, the shift in your weight with each step you take. When your attention wanders, bring it back to your walking. Center yourself in your body and be present in the moment. Count ten steps, and ten more, and ten more, until you feel calmed.

#2 - Writing / Saying Positive Statements: Develop several grounding statements that remind you that you are safe and provide you with comfort. You may want to write the statements on a small piece of paper or “flashcard” and carry them around in your wallet. You may want to write the statement on a larger piece of paper that you will hang on a wall in your home. Write your statements in a color that represents safety and strength to you. You can say the statements out loud, or simply read or think them. Examples of grounding statements include:- “This feeling will soon pass.” - “You are no longer a child. You are an adult now, and the abuser is not here - “You are strong; you are brave.

Develop your own grounding statements, ones that have special meaning for you.

#3 - Breathing: The breath serves wonderfully as a focus for your attention. Think of it as an anchor that holds you in the present moment and guides you back to the here and now when your mind wanders to the past. By bringing awareness to your breathing, you are reminding yourself that you are here now. Breathe in and attend to the feeling of breathing in; breathe out and attend to the feeling of breathing out. You may want to focus on the air coming in and out of your nostrils or on your abdomen expanding and contracting as you breathe. You may want to count ten breaths on the exhale, and keep counting groups of ten breaths until you feel calmed. You may also want to use calming, grounding statements as you breathe, like:- Inhaling, “I am breathing in calm.” or “ I am breathing in good energy.”- Exhaling, “I am breathing out anxiety,” or “I am breathing out bad energy.”

#4 - Hold, look at, listen to and/or smell a object: Objects may be distinguished by their smell, shape, weight, sound, or texture. Any object that comforts you, that helps you to remember that you are in the present, rather than the past, can be a grounding object. Some examples are:* A smooth stone that you’ve found on the beach* A bell that, when you ring it, has a soothing sound* A piece of sandpaper with a course texture* A photograph of a beautiful scene or of loved ones* A small vial of a pleasant fragrance* A piece of jewelry, like a ring or bracelet* A picture that you’ve drawn of a scene that represents safety and comfort.

You may want to hold, look at, smell, listen to your object while engaged in one of the other techniques. For example, you can hold your stone while repeating your positive statements, while walking mindfully, or while doing breathing. This way, you strengthen the properties of your object because it becomes associated with other experiences of comfort and safety. If your object is small enough, you can carry it with you wherever you go. Knowing that you have access to a small oasis of calm and comfort right there can help.

#5 - Visual *Make Eye Contact With A safe Person*: Scan the room to remind yourself that you are here now.* Don’t direct your gaze downward: Look up, look out, look around.

#6 - Writing / Saying Statements: Develop several g statements that remind you that you are in the now and words that provide you with comfort. You may want to write the statements on a small piece of paper or “flashcard” and carry them around in your wallet. You may want to write the statement on a larger piece of paper that you will hang on a wall in your home. Write your statements in a color that represents safety and strength to you. You can say the statements out loud, or simply read or think them. Examples of statements include:- “This feeling will soon pass.” - “You are no longer a child. You are an adult now.” - “You are strong; you are safe now.”