Facts DID TW

Dissociative Identity Disorder Fact Sheet  BIG TW
Formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder
Given a diagnostic category in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1980.
Characterized by the existence of two or more distinct personality states that have the capacity to take control of the body and the inability to recall personal information too great to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness. The condition cannot be due to the effect of substances or a medical condition.
There may be accompanying symptoms such as depression, anxiety, obsessive/compulsive behavior, eating disorders, substance abuse, etc.
Arises from continued and repeated sexual and/or physical abuse beginning in early childhood.

DID is a defensive mechanism that protects the child from the physical and emotional pain associated with abuse by separating a part of the child’s mind or consciousness to deal with the trauma of the abuse. Over time and repeated abuse, these separate parts establish identities of their own.
People with DID have been shown to be highly susceptible to dissociation (an alteration in consciousness wherein the individual and some aspect of his or her self or environment become disconnected or disengaged from one another), of above average intelligence, and highly creative. DID is generally diagnosed in adulthood, triggered by some factor that compels or allows the alters to emerge.
Systems of alter personalities differ from individual to individual, but there are generally host personalities who appear most often, opposite gender personalities, self-helper personalities, persecutory personalities who may harm themselves or others, and child personalities.
Switching is the process of shifting from one alter to another.
Co-consciousness refers to the level of shared awareness of existence and behavior between the host personality and the alters. Levels of co-consciousness vary from person to person from total lack of knowledge of others in the system to complete co-consciousness where every alter knows to some degree what each alter and the host personality are doing or thinking.
The object of therapy is to stabilize the person, lessen the degree of dissociation, increase cooperation and co-consciousness within the system, and often ultimately merge the alters into one personality, a process called integration.
Although no controlled study has been conducted in the United States, an estimate of the prevalence of DID in the U.S. population is from 1 in 500 to 1 in 5,000, or between 250,000 and 2,500,000 people.
Four times as many women are diagnosed as men.
The average person diagnosed with DID spends 7 years in the mental health system before being properly diagnosed, due to misdiagnosis and lack of training on the part of therapists to spot the disorder.
Two non-profit groups based in the United States that disseminate information on The Dissociative Disorders are:
http://www.m-a-h.net/article-facts.htm

People Have Body Memories
Have you ever hit your thumb with a hammer? Has the memory of that ever caused you to clench your fist? Have you ever been made sick by eating food, and years later felt physically sick when you saw or remembered that food? Have you ever felt your stomach tighten up like a ball of knots when conflict was imminent? Have you ever felt your face muscles tighten and eyes squint when someone made you mad?
Emotions Are Evident In The Body
Has the hair on the back of your neck ever stood up when you were afraid? Has your face ever blushed when you were ashamed? Have you ever felt sick to your stomach when you received bad news?
The Anniversary of Big Events Triggers Emotions
Have you ever felt grief when you remembered the death of a loved one, or glad when you remembered your wedding day? Have you known people who experience grief every year during their birthday, wedding anniversary, or death day of a spouse?
Objects Related To Big Events Trigger Emotions
Have you ever saw an old car like the first one you drove, and smiled when you remembered your first date in that car with your wife to be? Have you ever looked at your child's baby slipper and remembered the doctor, the room, the nurse, the pain, and the joy of her birth? Have you ever disliked someone on first sight because they remind you of someone else? Have you ever known anyone who removed from sight all pictures of a dead loved one?
Emotional Catharsis Helps People Heal
Have you ever felt a great load lifted from your shoulders when you confessed a sin, or talked to a loved one about something that had upset you, and then slept like a baby for the first time in years? Have you noticed that those who weep and grieve at the death of a loved one, are often better able to carry on with life than those who hold back their tears? Have you ever felt your face muscles tighten when someone made you angry, and felt them release after you settled your disagreement?

The boys

            Trigger

             I was saying good bye too two adorable boys that I have had been blessed to care for over a year. Looking at them I would miss them so much, it will be time for them to go back to there mother, a mother who had an addiction to drugs, a mother who got a second chance, And me well I have no children, do I want children? Oh Yes with all my heart, but in that moment those boys where my children.

            There mother picked them up, put them in the car and I said goodbye, but what I really saw was a women walking around drunk stumbling over her feet trying to get the next drink.

             I realized I will not be able to protect them; I will not be able to get them away from a mother who in my mind did drugs and will always do drugs….

As I wave good bye, I go inside where I sit alone and then the memory hits like a bucket of cold ice.

             Seeing lots of people in the room, people that where so out of it, it was ridicules So much yelling and so much screaming so much fighting.  Two men drunk fighting wanting to kill one another became my surroundings.  I was on the women’s bed sitting beside me a boy with tears rolling down his face, but I was watching all of this. An ax falls and blood is all around the moment that the blood hit my face the boy stops crying or was it me that was crying? I am not sure. I just sat as these two men tried killing one another all because of drugs.

             My body falls backwards looking at the ceiling but then I was sitting next to me.  I knew I was lying on the bed but I was also sitting beside me?

            I always felt my self not in my body, lost always lost that’s what I always felt. In the dark but knew no one could see the darkness I was in.

Sharing this memory I realized I was sitting for several hours. Sitting looking at the past oh well I must carry on. The most amazing creatures on earth two boys now where gone and I felt nothing, it was like it did not happen, it was like watching the boys, was a movie that played out and in the end there mother got them back.. And I just got up and that other part, the part that is always so close but so far was beside me getting ready to live a life that had no feelings, and no joy.

Harming information

Understanding cutting and self-harm

Brusing is my desirer, to see the bruies I feel satisfied.

Self-harm is a way of expressing and dealing with deep distress and emotional pain. As counterintuitive as it may sound to those on the outside, hurting yourself makes you feel better. In fact, you may feel like you have no choice. Injuring yourself is the only way you know how to cope with feelings like sadness, self-loathing, emptiness, guilt, and rage.
The problem is that the relief that comes from self-harming doesn’t last very long. It’s like slapping on a Band-Aid when what you really need are stitches. It may temporarily stop the bleeding, but it doesn’t fix the underlying injury. And it also creates its own problems.
If you’re like most people who self-injure, you try to keep what you’re doing secret. Maybe you feel ashamed or maybe you just think that no one would understand. But hiding who you are and what you feel is a heavy burden. Ultimately, the secrecy and guilt affects your relationships with your friends and family members and the way you feel about yourself. It can make you feel even more lonely, worthless, and trapped.

Myths and facts about cutting and self-harm

Because cutting and other means of self-harm tend to be taboo subjects, the people around you—and possibly even you—may harbor serious misconceptions about your motivations and state of mind. Don’t let these myths get in the way of getting help or helping someone you care about.
Myth: People who cut and self-injure are trying to get attention.
Fact: The painful truth is that people who self-harm generally do so in secret. They aren’t trying to manipulate others or draw attention to themselves. In fact, shame and fear can make it very difficult to come forward and ask for help.
Myth: People who self-injure are crazy and/or dangerous.
Fact: It is true that many people who self-harm suffer from anxiety, depression, or a previous trauma—just like millions of others in the general population. Self-injury is how they cope. Slapping them with a “crazy” or “dangerous” label isn’t accurate or helpful.
Myth: People who self-injure want to die.
Fact: Self-injurers usually do not want to die. When they self-harm, they are not trying to kill themselves—they are trying to cope with their pain. In fact, self-injury may be a way of helping themselves go on living. However, in the long-term, people who self-injure have a much higher risk of suicide, which is why it’s so important to seek help.
Myth: If the wounds aren’t bad, it’s not that serious.
Fact: The severity of a person’s wounds has very little to do with how much he or she may be suffering. Don’t assume that because the wounds or injuries are minor, there’s nothing to worry about.

Signs and symptoms of cutting and self-harm

Self-harm includes anything you do to intentionally injure yourself. Some of the more common ways include:

• cutting or severely scratching your skin
• burning or scalding yourself
• hitting yourself or banging your head
• punching things or throwing your body against walls and hard objects
• sticking objects into your skin
• intentionally preventing wounds from healing
• swallowing poisonous substances or inappropriate objects

Self-harm can also include less obvious ways of hurting yourself or putting yourself in danger, such as driving recklessly, binge drinking, taking too many drugs, and having unsafe sex.

bullying

She sits staring at the playground, . wanting so much to be part of the group,but she is no good, when others see her they see the ugliness inside. Watching the other girls play ball. Walking over so brave so daring hoping they let her play. "can I play"? the girls look at her with dislike. You want to play one says? Sure here throwing the ball so hard it hits her in the face. Laughing the girls begin to tease her. You so dumb, your ugly, you are nothing. She will not cry, she will not let them see her pain. One of the girls picks the ball back up they begin to hit her again harder. Pushing,shoving, yelling and hitting her, but she will not cry. Soon after a while she feels no pain.
 There must be something wrong with her.. Her mother don't like her, some of mothers guy friends don't like her they hurt sometimes and even girls at school don't like her. She decides if the world hates me then il hate this world, wishing she could scream in her rage.

Astral Projection

Astral Projection I never even heard of this word or even have any understanding of it until today.


Astral projection (or astral travel) is an interpretation of out-of-body experience (OBE) that assumes the existence of an "astral body" separate from the physical body and capable of traveling outside it.^[1] Astral projection or travel denotes the astral body leaving the physical body to travel in the astral plane.
The idea of astral travel is rooted in common worldwide religious accounts of the afterlife^[2] in which the consciousness' or soul's journey or "ascent" is described in such terms as "an...out-of body experience, wherein the spiritual traveller leaves the physical body and travels in his/her subtle body (or dreambody or astral body) into ‘higher’ realms."^[3] It is therefore associated with near death experiences and is also frequently reported as spontaneously experienced in association with sleep and dreams, illness,^[4] surgical operations, drug experiences, sleep paralysis and forms of meditation.^[5]

^{Tonight I traveled to my individuals home,which then took me back to my childhood home where I lived in NY. It was like being back there once again seeing everything as it was. I traveled to a big tree out side of  the place I lived, beside me was a little girl so pretty gazing up at me, holding my hand, But then  she was gone and  It took me to a place with  a lot of dark rocks by the ocean lot's of splashing  water. As I look I see a young girl her hair blowing in the wind. she looked sick and mad that I was there. I looked around I notice the tree but this time it was a dying tree, with a rope hanging from it.The girl yells go away you do not belong here. I cant say anything. I try to leave but cant. I am standing by the tree. I feel like I know the tree and it bothers me, I cant seem to stop shaken looking up but don't know why I'm shaken.  Next thing I know I'm traveling from age of 5 ll the way to my age now 33 but as I am traveling I'm leaving all my individuals behind. I want to go back to them but can't I keep going forward until I'm back in my house now.} 

^{I do not understand
What my brain is trying to explain
I do not understand 
this time that I am in
I do not understand
Why my body can't be full
I do not understand 
how I can connect myself
with in
to heal from my past
to not understand
why my past 
will not let 
me remember.}

God and Me

My boyfriend said you need to look at the positive things, remember good things. He also started to talk to me about my $ issues great topic not that I was not already feeling like a  loser. I was reminded of it to. He did not tell me I was a loser I just felt that way. He was only try to help. I just feel like there is no way to help.

I don't need or want any one to take care of me, been doing it along time on my own. Life will knock me down but I am a fighter not like I have not had to fight for life before.....

Now how does one stay positive when life is not very easy at the moment, when your life is an  up side down and all around. When the only thing you had was  what you work so hard for is gone, those that you loved betray you, children you watch grown and  learned to love all gone, when you have individuals that are suffering, my shim who is so courageous and will not even cry but he is in sooooo much pain, Meme who is so scared can you blame her she has not seen nothing good in her life, then you have Hopeless who knows death, feels death and wants death. And  you just learned not only did you have some abuse but you at only 1 years old suffered sexual abuse, you learn death before the age 6 and With a total of 18 individuals that have suffered so much. You want to help, you want them to get better, but how when life is all around?

How do I think Positive? I have life problem of today but still dealing from wounds of the past that to me took place well today. So tell me how can any one be positive. im not trying to have a pity party maybe it sounds that way but dealing the best way I can. I am such a loser...

So God the father of Haven who say he love me and has great plans for me let me know do you think that great plan can start like now cause right now this plan im working through don't seem so great, but lets think positive here my list of positives

1. God 
2. Great Boyfriend
3. Good friends
4. I'm still eating
5. I still have a place to sleep
6. I'm not dieing of cancer
7. I don't have any broken bone
8. I am not in jail
9. I am not in the hospital
10. I am not labeled Crazy (at least not yet)
11. I have great support 
12. I am not cutting or harming my body with bruises or marks
13. I'm sleeping great lots, lots and lots of sleep
14. I am never lonely
15. I am not in denial about life
16. I am a child of God
17. I am going to haven some day
18. I have a special blanket
19. My car still works
20. I have a job where I can play most of the day

Here some Jesus songs to help keep me positive

 I think all these songs are true for me, but I have to be honest I am mad at God and I'm struggling with A God who is so great lets me suffer so much. HOW COME GOD???? why is your fight become my fight, why is it you let Satan use us like puppets???? You are so powerful then why not make it stop?

Positive. My DID was made from God to help me as a child so that would live as an adult..Some day I will have great joy in my life...

Rainbow Blue and the Beast story

  story and pic can trigger

This is Rainbow Blue story. I know there is more, another alter shared the memory of it last year for the first time, so now it is processing and putting the memory fully together waiting for the rest to share there side. Not wanting to tell,not wanting to share for fear is still there.

She is full of life, laughter and hope in a world of blackness but with a brother she loves she knows she can pull through.  They run, they play looking forward to school that day, he of course is not the same he prefers to be out of school all day.

Oh no he stops I for got my lunch box Il go, don't wait for me, she of course never likes to walk alone she waits, and waits for his return. The wait was way to long so she decided she would go look for him. With a skip in her step, a smile on her face, she walks along seeing a dog on the way, she was wondering where did he belong? Walking alone was he. She begins to wonder what it be like to be dog to be brave and strong. As she continues to walk the smile fades for right front of her is a man, a man face down on the ground she begins to shake. the blood is every where a stab wound is in place. oh how scared was she. That man she sure she knows him oh no who to tell. To be a Dog would be so much better. I can't be brave, a dog is so brave that's what I shall be. her mind went dark she could not believe how could this be?  A dead man was he.

The memory faded as she walked, she was confused I must go to school. Wondering why she was out of place. oh well she says and shrugs it away. Seeing the dog following she played, off to school she goes with smile upon her face. Being a dog she liked playing  made her feel so brave now she has pet to play with all day.

In school she wondered out of place not sure much about her day. Walking home not much was said her brother walked beside her, little did she know he knows about the dead man on the street he saw the murder but shhhhh don't tell the secret.

Walking home she see lots of cars in the front yard,she had to be brave because cops are at the door with lots of people walking in and out... Oh the fear came back. She looks at her brother he whispers shhhhh don't tell they will take us away. Oh her eyes grow large she remembers now that dead man with blood all around.

As they reach the door a person walks us away from the police and say do not say a word or you will go in cop car off to jail,you will not ever see each other again so don't tell.

The pain, the trap, the dark that she was in, how can she tell what she knows the man she knows killed and she will never be safe, but she must stay close to a brother that protected her so. That man proved he can hurt just wait and see if you tell you will not be. So I'll  have my brave dog, Beast is he for no words can be said and  Those inside her knew what she had seen, no more worries they say forget, don't speak not one word.

Fighting for her life that was she. Alone in the dark, hiding from the pain. That man can hurt her if she speaks, don't tell,don't tell she repeats., forgetting her memory, forgetting the fear, the blood, the dead and most of all for getting she knows who did the killing and how he gets away.

Don't worry there is many in here,  we will take your your fear. No one will ever know.