God and Me

My boyfriend said you need to look at the positive things, remember good things. He also started to talk to me about my $ issues great topic not that I was not already feeling like a  loser. I was reminded of it to. He did not tell me I was a loser I just felt that way. He was only try to help. I just feel like there is no way to help.

I don't need or want any one to take care of me, been doing it along time on my own. Life will knock me down but I am a fighter not like I have not had to fight for life before.....

Now how does one stay positive when life is not very easy at the moment, when your life is an  up side down and all around. When the only thing you had was  what you work so hard for is gone, those that you loved betray you, children you watch grown and  learned to love all gone, when you have individuals that are suffering, my shim who is so courageous and will not even cry but he is in sooooo much pain, Meme who is so scared can you blame her she has not seen nothing good in her life, then you have Hopeless who knows death, feels death and wants death. And  you just learned not only did you have some abuse but you at only 1 years old suffered sexual abuse, you learn death before the age 6 and With a total of 18 individuals that have suffered so much. You want to help, you want them to get better, but how when life is all around?

How do I think Positive? I have life problem of today but still dealing from wounds of the past that to me took place well today. So tell me how can any one be positive. im not trying to have a pity party maybe it sounds that way but dealing the best way I can. I am such a loser...

So God the father of Haven who say he love me and has great plans for me let me know do you think that great plan can start like now cause right now this plan im working through don't seem so great, but lets think positive here my list of positives

1. God 
2. Great Boyfriend
3. Good friends
4. I'm still eating
5. I still have a place to sleep
6. I'm not dieing of cancer
7. I don't have any broken bone
8. I am not in jail
9. I am not in the hospital
10. I am not labeled Crazy (at least not yet)
11. I have great support 
12. I am not cutting or harming my body with bruises or marks
13. I'm sleeping great lots, lots and lots of sleep
14. I am never lonely
15. I am not in denial about life
16. I am a child of God
17. I am going to haven some day
18. I have a special blanket
19. My car still works
20. I have a job where I can play most of the day

Here some Jesus songs to help keep me positive

 I think all these songs are true for me, but I have to be honest I am mad at God and I'm struggling with A God who is so great lets me suffer so much. HOW COME GOD???? why is your fight become my fight, why is it you let Satan use us like puppets???? You are so powerful then why not make it stop?

Positive. My DID was made from God to help me as a child so that would live as an adult..Some day I will have great joy in my life...