Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Addications- My Food Issues

Addictions are defined as the habitual compulsion to engage in a certain activity or utilize a substance, notwithstanding the devastating consequences on the individual's physical, social, spiritual, mental, and financial well-being. Instead of addressing life's obstacles, tackling daily stress and/or confronting past or present trauma, the addict responds maladaptively by resorting to a pseudo coping mechanism. Addiction offers an illusory refuge and leads individuals down a self-destructive path that takes a heavy toll on the addict as well as on his or her family, community, and employer. Addiction alters the emotions of the user, who turns to the substance in search of a psychological high or a fast chemical fix. The addict uses the substance or engages in the activity to achieve stress relief, attain a sense of control, change his or her mood, and/or banish real-life issues.

Lets look at forms of Addictions




My Struggles

I have food addictions. I eat because for me food is my enjoyment and I realize not always healthy.
The thing about my addiction is food is a need no matter what you do its all around you. You go to church theres a function, food is involved, you go to a friends house food is in involved. You pass a restaurant at ever street light. you pump gas theres food at the gas station. I guess you get my point.

I do have at times the desire to cut,but I have found other methods to help me with this. I paint drawing of cutting, I use a marker on my arm, I also break glass in a big garbage can ( I think I like the sound it makes when crashing it in the can. I do not do this alone) Why paint drawing of cutting? For me its the desire to see the pain that I can not feel. Some time I feel nothing and other times I feel everything. My emotions are confusing because I never learned how to use my emotions. I was thought at a very young age that if your not happy then I was doing something wrong. So now I am learning about anger, hurt, shame, and other forms of emotions.


11/19/2012
I decided I will start blogging about my food issues. being this a post is about abdication,  I thought I would pick up on it in this blog each week I'll post with dates.
 I binge. Il eat one full meal but eat until I am so much pain that I cant even walk. If I eat 3 meals il still binge. I am out of control with this issue, with in 1 year I went from 160 to now 230. Part is my depression the other part is to give in to the desires of my little who never had candy, cakes, or goodys. I binge when I am happy, sad, or when I dont even know what is that I am feeling. I read that survivors of sexual or physical abuse tend to have eating disorders. How can we over come this? I dont know. At times I dont care to. At times I just want to eat a whole dam cake or order a pizza pie and eat. I am not ready to start a group or share my eating habits with friends. Al I know is food is all around us, one thing about those addictions
with alcohol and drugs when you walk away its in ur mind u dont pass every corner and see signs for drugs, u dont go to every light and theres a liqueur store. one day I was driving around I started to count how many place I would see food displays or fastfood, or stores. I counted 60 in 1 mile yes people 1 mile. liqueur stores there are 5 in my home town. Its crazy. You go to a friends house, they always offer food, you go to a event theres food, you go to church theres food. So how can I stop? how I can want to? I dont know, all I know is that if I dont find away. I will have a heart attack. I will pass from this world. The sad thing is that does not even bother me..... I love food but it is my enemy.... 
 Some time I think- Il just stop eating and then I binge. Il start thinking Il go on a diet: it never happens......

I started a new diet
yea you know the one
the sea food diet
I see food and eat.
I look like a pig
that you would see
on you're fridge.
With googly eyes falling down
I started a new diet
I thought Id better try it
I own some sexy jeans
so tight I had to squeeze
I guess that pizza pie I ate
last night sure won the fight
But the label said size 8
so I thought id give it a try.
I started a new diet
you know the kind
I sure do eat
but I am not so neat
my food goes every where
Can you help me please
I started a new diet.
By Leen




11/25/2012

This weekend was not so great with food  because of thanksgiving and my Birthday. I have been told by the system I am no longer in control of my food and if I do not lose the fat then I will start losing time. I have been drinking more water and tonight we will be going food shopping to start the healthy meals tomorrow. I so hate this and wish I could just stop eating.......

11/26/12

Breakfast- 1 banana 1 slice of grain bread 1 cheese stick 1 bottle of water.  And Now I want chocolate :( 
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